when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
