I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
