I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize