Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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