i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
