i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize