I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize