Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
