Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
