I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
