I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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