If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
