How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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