just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
