i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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