When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
