That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
