Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
