Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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