I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
