I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
