if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
