yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
