After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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