Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize