how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude i'm inner monologue high
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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