WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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