i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
