I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
