Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
