You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
