Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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