laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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