i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
