Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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