I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
