she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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