Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
