He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
