I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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