When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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