Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
