Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
