I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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