i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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