I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
