so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
