Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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