That's when you crack a 10am beer
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
