she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
