I need help removing her.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
