i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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