My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
