the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
