DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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