I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
