in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
