I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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