Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
