after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
