I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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