hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
