I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
