It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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