i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
