I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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