Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
