I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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