The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This baby is an asshole
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
