we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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