he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
