Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
