She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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