I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
