Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize