So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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