White coat. Heels.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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