i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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