so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
