All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
