when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
