I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
