she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
